This is a pantoum. I like pantoums, but they are a very particular thing and I can understand if not everybody gets them. They repeat a lot, rather like the villanelle, which is another form I'm fond of... I mean of which I'm fond.
In the case of a pantoum the repetition generates an intense feelings of stasis, claustrophobia, and/or nostalgia. So they are ideally suited for emotive, introspective or contemplative subjects.
The Western pantoum is a hijacking of a Malay verse form, but I do not speak Malayan, so I really cannot comment on whether we do them justice...
Dark skies
The gaps between the stars will draw her eyes.
She's lying on the back lawn in the dark.
The voids are better than more clouded skies.
She isn't waiting for the dog to bark.
She's lying on the back lawn in the dark
without the thought that anyone will come.
She isn't waiting for the dog to bark.
Such expectations leave her feeling dumb.
Without the thought that anyone will come,
she's none-the-less put on her special top.
Expecting too much leaves her feeling dumb
but clothing is an easy thing to swap.
She's none-the-less put on her special top.
Beneath her shoulders dew begins to soak.
Her clothing is an easy thing so swap
there's always extra cleaning with a bloke.
Beneath her shoulders dew begins to soak,
this sort of thing is starting to get old.
There's always extra effort for a bloke
increasingly it leaves her feeling cold.
This sort of thing is starting to get old.
The dark is better than a clouded sky.
Increasingly they leave her feeling cold.
The voids between the stars pull at her eye.
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